To Thine Own Self Be Zoo

Volume 1
Issue 1
Issue 2
Issue 3
Issue 4
Issue 5
Issue 6
Issue 7
Issue 8
Issue 9
Issue 10
-Issue 11-
Issue 12
Issue α

Volume 1,
Issue 11

Underground Newzletter



Super Soldier Mega Spies




Ducks in pairs on logs and shores

Ducks in tandem flight

Ducks in V’s of ten or more

Ducks in love with life



Fort Boysnuggle

Fort Boysnuggle

A fort for boys to snuggle in

The boys can be humans or dogs

They can have a vagina or a penis

But they must say they identify as a boy

While in Fort Boysnuggle

Fort Girlsnuggle will be on Wednesdays and Fridays

Fort Enbysnuggle on Thursday and Sunday

Fort Bring Your Own Gender Identity on Monday



Dog Pee

I think it’s pretty cool that my dog can pee where he wants to.

On people’s yards, next to the sidewalk, wherever.

I think public urination should be a right, not a crime.

It’s not like a big deal, but like, I do think that.



Passing by a T intersection in a gravel road by a pasture

This morning was very cool

but it has since begun to heat up

and I am now overdressed

in three layers of clothing:


long sleeve shirt,


winter jacket.


I can see vapor

rising off of a big puddle in the road

like this land’s breath.



New Recording 5

Feel the cool spring-scented breeze

tingle across your drunken face

as you and a dog stumble your way

through the woods.



Grocery List

Go outside and bite the plants: Go outside and pick off little parts of the plants that you see and bite down on them in order to learn their taste and give their power to yourself. With deliberateness bite down on the plants that you find while outside, slowly crush the planty fibers between your upper set of teeth and your lower set of teeth and meditate on the flavors that come about because you have done this. If you need recommendations, here are some starting points you may consider depending on local availability: a pine needle; a big fistful of grass; a leaf from a tree; two other leaves from two other different looking trees or bushes; a small berry, just one of whatever the first type that you find is, no more than the one; a fresh, green twig; an entire flower at once; a lump of dirt; a lump of dirt from somewhere else. When you bite these things, keep them in your mouth for at least a minute or two; The point is not to eat, but to learn more than there may have seemed there to learn from initial visual impressions. If there are poisonous or dangerous plants where you live, maybe don’t or at least bring a friend. But if you live in like Wisconsin go for it: Go outside and familiarize yourself gustatorily with the world that you have a place on.



Queer Dogs

Some dogs like humans

(Most dogs who like anyone like humans)




squirrel squirrel squirrel

climb climb climb


good job



Apparent Loneliness

Hanging out with friends,

one makes a joke at my expense

about how I am single,

I have no sex life,

I am alone.

I am happy to swallow it

and know, myself,

how wrong they are.

My love with my dog—

my sexy, beautiful, affectionate, caring dog—

demands no public displays.

It does not need validation or certificate.

It can be for him and me alone

and be good:

everything that either of us needs.



Partners In Really Emotionally Healthy And Cool Crimes

I would really recommend becoming jerk off buddies with a dog if you happen to know one who would be down with that and there’s any overlapping availability in both of your schedules.

He or she might even give it a few licks,

kiss you for a little bit,

or let you throw your arm around him or her for a sec

and let you give him or her a few affectionate strokes

on the back

while you’re all squirmy and snuggly.

Even barring these things,

if he or she is chill about you taking care of yourself while they hang out,

but he or she would rather not get too paws-on about your masturbation themselves

then even just having someone else there in the room who you’re friends with is fun.



Feeling It

Drunk and really feeling this mattress

you did a big leap onto the bed

and laid down with me.

Smushing my balls around with one hand

I nuzzled into your side.

Realizing how much I appreciate this,

I grabbed my notebook and felt-tip pen

and on the bed beside you I wrote down this poem.




I think most dog people would get something out of with your dog

while he or she is lying down

respectfully lifting their tail

and lying down with them

rest your face in front of their butthole

and just lie there with them

flaring your nostrils

and taking in the smells over time

seconds, minutes,

as you get to know the rear end

of their digestive tract

a whole lot more intimately

smelling their odor and occasional gas

each fart smelling a little bit different to the others,

hitting a little bit different to the others.

There is no need to lick or kiss,

to pleasure or to entertain—

just stay there,

lying down with your face in his or her butthole,



taking in,

and all in all generally observing what it is like back there.

Zoo or non zoo,

I think you will feel closer with your dog afterwards.

The dogs already know each other like this, by their smells,

but they have better noses,

so as a human you gotta get real close and personal up in there.




100% optional “this dick” proposal—

it’s there if you want it.


Aw, thank you.


Good dog.



Air Conditioning

The air conditioning unit is an extremely un-subtle droning

as my boyfriend and I lie together in bed,

each of us naked head to toes.


Neither of us is really trying to fall asleep yet.

We snuggle and we make out,

human tongue and doggy tongue dancing

in this cool, naked bedroom.


Someday tonight we will go to sleep for real

and wake up well rested.







Still Dogs tbh

still Dogs tbh

kissin em

walkin em

pettin em

givin em personal space if they want it and being happy to know that they’re happy

givin em good food every day that’s healthy for them and that they like

listinin to what they got to tell you about

tossin em dog treats or handing them to them depending on their preference at that moment

tossin or handin em a second or maybe even a third dog treat because you like them so much

takin naps together

hangin out

dogs are great




Snuggled up into your tummy

I think about the fact that you probably drank from your mother.

I wonder whether you remember that.

I wonder whether you hold in you some maternal instinct

that makes you accepting when I want to nuzzle into your stomach.

Whatever you are,

maternal or stud,

you are perfect.



Untitled Maturation

Wet dog smell

Getting hair in your mouth

Things that once seemed bad

Now nice




Hanging out on the bed

Dude and dog

You’re worried about the dishwasher

I’m here for you

All the security and space you need





nostrils flared

to sniff your fur as deeply as possible

I am stricken with sadness

as I remember that you will die.

There will be a point in my life

after which you will never be there.



Untitled Vague Green Bug

Out walking the dog

Vague little green bug jumps over onto my eyelashes.

You can hang out there for a while if you need to little individual.

There’s no worries.



Metal Bit

When we walk

I often wonder whether the clasp on your leash

will hold forever.

As I commit this thought to writing,

I also wonder whether it ought to.

I do mostly use it to stop you from getting hit by cars.




There are depths to interspecies communication that I know seem

hyperbolic to those who are deaf to the words of their dogs.

The other day a dog I was playing around with said something

to me that I swear if I were translating from canine body language

into English was “Get over here Nerd” before then smugly taking

my hand and using it to make himself cum. He was very pleased with

himself, and how should he not be, after pulling off such a move?



I Get It

I assume some people are jealous

of how often I get to pet a dog;

of how often he rolls over

for me to rub his belly;

of how often in the morning,

first thing,

before either of us has fully woken up,

the first thing my dog and I will do is snuggle;

of how often we kiss, and how thoroughly,

lip pressing to lip, his enormous tongue

licking my eyelids,

my tongue,

or the back of my throat;

of how much he trusts me;

of how nonchalantly we touch each other’s dicks;

of how awesome his knot is,

big and red and veiny, throbbing,

a sign of such satisfaction;

of how much he likes to go out and walk with me;

of how happy he is when I come back home

from grocery shopping or from getting us fast food to share;

in short—I get it—

some people are jealous of how much my dog and I love each other.



An Interest

Dogs evolved from wolves

and so many breeds of dogs exist today

because we took such a pointed interest

in their sex lives.


Is it any wonder that they

should have a sexual interest

in us




I cannot overemphasize

how good dogs smell,

how beautiful they look—

their structure, their coats, their facial expressions—

how fathomless their capacity for kindness,

how contagious their expressions of joy,

and how soft their fur is

to hold against yourself

or to pet.




Zoophiles for the


Tongue kissing of






(Shh Secrets For Zoosexuals Time)

(Most people don’t actually care you guys.)


(It’s really only a smaller-than-it-would-sound number of noisy bully types who make such an alarmingly big panic out of it.)


(Treat it like playing minesweeper.)


(Proceed with caution

but don’t think that it is impossible to proceed.)



Police Dogs

Make dog love not dog war.



Suddenly Cognizant Seconds Apropos Of A Life That While In That Moment Cliche Is Being Well Lived

Seeing a sunset

Feeling immersed in a good book

Getting a message from a friend

Touching warm laundry

Relaxing in a hot tub

Walking through a dapple forest trail

Making out with a dog’s butthole

Taking an accomplished huff of a breath after a hard day’s work

Creating little arts like paper airplanes or doodles

Drinking a much desired glass of water

Hearing a new song that you really like

Hearing an old song that really takes you back

Making out with a dog’s butthole a second time

Finishing dusting and vacuuming a room

Biting carefree into an apple or a plum

Snuggling with someone you’re in love with


Most within Volume I written by Eggshell Ghosthearth.

This website contains works of literature, including narrative fiction, creative nonfiction, and poetry. Within this literature, any resemblances to any existing copyrighted materials, trademarks, or persons is completely coincidental, or is used for artistic purposes within the bounds of Public Domain, Fair Use, or Public Figure Status. Much of the literature on this site contains themes of sexuality, though is at no point intended to be pornographic. To Thine Own Self Be Zoo is a personal project and is not a for-profit endeavor.