To Thine Own Self Be Zoo

Volume 1
Issue 1
Issue 2
Issue 3
Issue 4
Issue 5
Issue 6
Issue 7
Issue 8
Issue 9
Issue 10
-Issue 11-
Issue 12
Issue α

Volume 1,
Issue 11

Underground Newzletter



Super Soldier Mega Spies


Super Soldier Mega Spies


It’s the year 300,000,000, and humans have long since lost all affinity for harmony, nature, or animals: their singular goal as a species is to colonize the universe and its varied landscapes and lifeforms at all costs. This is where YOU come in! A conglomeration of elite intelligences at the center of the universe has agreed that it’s time to send you and some other super soldier mega spies in to sabotage human endeavors on various planets. You and your teammates may look like such innocent beings as cute red pandas, little bipedal robots, or squishy green aliens, but beneath the cute veneer you and your colleagues are lethal assassins and adept saboteurs.


Minimum: One deck of cards and one 6-sided die, which the table can all share.

Optional: One deck of cards for each player, two 6-sided dice for each player, and a pencil and paper for each player.


In Super Soldier Mega Spies, one Game Master leads a Player or Players through a quest to reclaim a territory from human supremacy, setting scenes and presenting obstacles.

A Player Character starts with 5 HP and a number of GFY points equal to their level. Each Player may choose to represent these values by tokens, such as a stack of nickels for HP and a stack of bottle caps for GFY points, or by marking these values on a sheet of paper or on a digital document. Each Player Character should have a name (examples: Linda, Sir Hopsalot, The Mysterious Vanishing Ewe, Keith,) an appearance (examples: a Golden Retriever with a large sunhat, a frog who is blue with black bumps, a white sheep who is usually semi-transparent and stands on her hind legs, a koala double fisting vodka,) a weapon (examples: a sword, karate, wicked fire magic, insults,) and some things they are good at (as many as you want to say.)

Out of combat, the GM’s job is to describe the current surroundings and to guide Players towards the way forward, perhaps encouraging them to make use of the things their characters are good at along the way.

In combat, the GM’s job is to talk hella shit as the Enemies.

When combat begins, all of the Player Characters go in whatever order they decide, then all of the Enemies go in whatever order the GM decides, then back to the Player Characters and so on until combat is resolved.

When a Player Character attacks an Enemy, the Player rolls one 6-sided die, and the attack deals one point of damage if the die shows 4 or higher. If 3 or less, the Player may describe their character’s fumble and how they’re going to save it, and then roll a second die: if the total of both dice is 6 or higher, the attack deals one point of damage. The GM may, however, decide that Enemies are invincible unless a certain attack is described that circumvents that Enemy’s reason for invincibility. Most Enemies should have 1 HP.

When an Enemy attacks a Player Character, the Player draws a card from a deck of cards. If the drawn card is a face card, the attack fails. If the drawn card is an ace, the attack fails and the Player may describe how their character manipulates the attack to effect the environment to the character’s advantage. If the drawn card is a joker, the Enemy deals one point of damage towards itself. If the drawn card is a number card, the Player Character takes one point of damage, unless the Player announces “Simon says I dodge!” with Simon being something that the table determines at the start of the session (examples: Simon is the name of any celebrity who the table then imagines as a dog, Simon is any furry media content tag, Simon is the description of any NPC in any video game.) Each Simon may only be used once per session. The deck of cards is reset and shuffled whenever a Player decides. Players may each use their own deck of cards or use a communal deck.

A Player Character may instantly defeat an Enemy using GFY points. The number of GFY points required to defeat an Enemy is determined by the GM, and should generally be 0, 1, or 2. The Player may inquire freely as to the number of GFY points the GM will require to defeat a particular Enemy. Player Characters gain 1 to their max GFY when they gain a level, with all points refreshing to max upon a level gain and at any time the GM decides.

Player Characters gain a level upon completing milestones in their quest, such as clearing a dungeon.

A Player Character’s HP returns to 5 upon gaining a level and at any other time the GM decides. If a Player Character drops to 0 HP at any time, that character is defeated, and the Player may introduce a new character to join the party at the next appropriate opportunity.

Happy human hunting, super soldier mega spies!


Most within Volume I written by Eggshell Ghosthearth.

This website contains works of literature, including narrative fiction, creative nonfiction, and poetry. Within this literature, any resemblances to any existing copyrighted materials, trademarks, or persons is completely coincidental, or is used for artistic purposes within the bounds of Public Domain, Fair Use, or Public Figure Status. Much of the literature on this site contains themes of sexuality, though is at no point intended to be pornographic. To Thine Own Self Be Zoo is a personal project and is not a for-profit endeavor.