To Thine Own Self Be Zoo

Volume 1
Issue 1
Issue 2
Issue 3
Issue 4
Issue 5
Issue 6
Issue 7
Issue 8
Issue 9
Issue 10
-Issue 11-
Issue 12
Issue α

Volume 1,
Issue 11

Underground Newzletter



Super Soldier Mega Spies


Underground Newzletter

AWOOOOOOOOOOOO! SALUTATIONS, ANIMAL LOVERZ! For all those who know the comfort of snuggling a dog under a blanket on lonely nightz: For all those who arent shy to look at a dogs boy parts or girl parts like another dog would, and would like the pleasure of sniffing around in there too: For those whose first thoughts about a horse arent their rideability (at least, not that kind)...: For those who LOVE ANIMALS, its time for your community newz as we continue our faster-than-light yet slower-than-an-unswelling-dane-bulbus-glandis voyage into the deep sector!! Therez p-l-e-n-t-y of animalz-themed fun going on if you know where to look: and if your looking here your looking in the right place! Come join in the debauchery! The more the marier! The party never ever ever ever ends, as long as neither of our competing captains on this shit show vessel tank the thing before we get to the next habitable space rock.


Nickys Meet!
On Mission Day 438 at Unadjusted Station Time 1800, animal loving folkz will be gathering in Nickys Bar outside of the aft colluseum for drinks, then at around 2015 everyonez drunk assez will be walking around the corner to Crankys Theater to catch their showing of Balto for history and culture night.

Luztful Meet!
MD 439 @ UST 2130: Wanna hump someone? Wanna get humped by someone? Okay with taking a chance on whether that someone is 2 legged or 4?? Evin will be leading an officially sanctioned tour of one of the stations sanitary sewers, the door in iz next 2 the door to Engine 4, by Insanity Pizzaria. This tour will definitely just be to obtain knowledge and foster a sense of community and it totaly iz irrelevant that Evin is bringing shitloads of condoms and lube and dog food.

Craftz Meet!
MD 440 ALL DAY!!! Somewhere in the arboritum, animal loving craftz folkz will have merch on display! Lindi has made tonz more knitted glovez with knit clawz on the finger endz after the last round sold out so fast, get some from the new batch while they last! Mergrit is continuing her surprise stickerz series, no spoilerz here but your not going to want to miss this weekz graffic, seriouzly. Get out there and check out whatz on offer!


Giroz VR!
Our god given master of 1s and 0s, GIRO, has released ANOTHER NEW VR EXPERIENCE. Mail him $2 at the usual address and let him know you want giraffe, and he will mail back the disk that you can slip to the chair operator at your next VR sesh. U heard right, GIRAFFE! The scene can be scaled to make u big enough, the giraffe small enough, u can be a giraffe 2 or any other avatar u want to bring in. It feels out of this world. Giro sez the next one that hez workin on iz another in hiz line of fictional typez, and iz not commenting farther at thiz time.

Sticker Sitingz!
Ho. Li. Shit. To whatever ninja assassin ultra sneaker put a Get Lickjobs sticker on captain Berrmz podium right smack in the middle of his logo, in time for hiz LIVE BROADCAST TO THE WHOLE STATION, you deserve a place in history. Hiz press guy noticing it near the end and trying to walk by in front of the podium and remove it casually and totally failing to get it off and only making it more obvious to EVERYONE it was there when he gave up and walked away again made my entire year. Bless you, unknown hero of stickerz.


(Line art of a man sniffing the stink lines coming off of a donkey’s butt. A woman is watching him with her arms raised in the air in despair. Below in quotations is the text, “And he won’t eat his spinach at dinner. MEN.”)

(Line art of a deer from the neck up. In place of each of the deer’s eyes is a plume of fire. Some of the deer’s antler points are cut off and are pouring blood.)

(Black and white photograph showing the exterior of a bakery. The bakery’s wall has spray painted art on it. The spray paint art depicts a Labrador dog with an arrow pointing to her rear, and text before the arrow which reads, “COOKIE LOOKING 4 MILK.”)

(Line art of a dog’s erect penis with the bulbus glandis swelled.)


Jeff – Have hemeroids, my husbands dick needs somewhere to go in the meantime. Look for the bald guy and the husky walking around the oaklog forward dwellings, can host.

Stallion Stufft – Need recording professional to record our new album! Acoustic, so we have an excuse for not knowing how to do it ourselves! Please get in touch!

Aymee – The chick I hooked up with at the masquerade on MD 422 who had the dog tattoos: Still thinking of you. Hoping to meet again. I am at Iceberg Tunnel Coffee most mornings around UST 0645. Lets talk about dogs. Kisses, mwa mwa.

Alwayz so much going on!!! Catch the latest newz again soon, animal loverz!!!!!!!!!


Most within Volume I written by Eggshell Ghosthearth.

This website contains works of literature, including narrative fiction, creative nonfiction, and poetry. Within this literature, any resemblances to any existing copyrighted materials, trademarks, or persons is completely coincidental, or is used for artistic purposes within the bounds of Public Domain, Fair Use, or Public Figure Status. Much of the literature on this site contains themes of sexuality, though is at no point intended to be pornographic. To Thine Own Self Be Zoo is a personal project and is not a for-profit endeavor.