To Thine Own Self Be Zoo

Volume 1
Issue 1
Issue 2
Issue 3
Issue 4
Issue 5
Issue 6
Issue 7
Issue 8
Issue 9
Issue 10
Issue 11
Issue 12
Issue α

Volume 2
Issue 1
-Issue β-
Issue 2

Volume 2,
Issue β

False Flag For Funsies

If I Weren’t A Zoophile Skit

Zoo Phonetic Alphabet



Put To Good Use

It is a very nice memory

The feeling of someone

A dog in my case

Having sex with your body.

I would be grabbed by him

And he would slide his penis

Through my hand

Knotting with my human digits.

Getting held and pounded.

Warmth and a lot of nice hair.

Good times.



Cool Dream To Have

I just had a sex dream about a deer


So that was pretty cool.


I have a therian deer friend

she has shared a lot of her spiritual perspectives

and I was about to send her a message like,


“Also I just had a sex dream about a deer

so if that was you thanks that was fun.”


I think I’ll just send her this,

this account of it.


And if she decides it’s her, thanks.


And if she decides it’s not,

(it’s probably not,)

sorry for sleep deer friend cheating on you

or something.


I was walking towards the liquor store

just coming down the hill

almost there

(there is not a hill there in physical reality

like at all

it’s a McDonald’s parking lot

but anyways)

in the grass across the liquor store’s parking lot

there were two deer lying down.


I paused, glad to be surprised

to see this animal beauty.


One of the deer got up,

charged straight towards me

and head butted me at full speed

and I died.


Or, the scenario started over.


This time I was not surprised to see the deer

and tried to casually go past them

towards the door, no fuss.

This time the deer killed me against the liquor store’s wall.


The third time, I fled around the corner:

out of sight,

out of mind,

I hoped.


The deer followed,


(or whatever deer do)

in an arc overshooting the corner on their way to me

and I planted my face into the top of their head

as they came to me,

nuzzled in the soft and bodily warm space in between their ears.

The deer awkwardly made me go to the ground,

legs all over pushing and nudging

until I was there on the pavement.


In broad daylight

me and this deer made out

in a parking lot behind the liquor store

no one else right-right there

but cars driving by pretty near

and maybe some surprised viewers from behind sun-glared windows.


I had never made out with an herbivore before.

As we were going at it,

the deer’s weight on top of me,

human lips touching big fuzzy deer mouth,

I tried to push kisses in a way

that I would feel the teeth

and be like “neat,

all flat, not pointy.”

I don’t think I really accomplished that,

but anyways I leaned forward

(in a way that doesn’t make sense,

if you think about it I would be going like,


the deer,

to do this)

and I started feeling at the deer’s butt,

hands kinda resting on the flanks

at either side of the hole,

chin planted just shy of the tail.

The deer was warm and into it.

I licked a finger,

not sure if that would be good enough,

and started poking in a little,

first with a finger on the left hand,

then replaced with one on the right.


We were having a great time.

I loved it,

the deer was certainly constantly coming in for more,

doing all the sex and kiss stuff back at me

you know?

Like, there were no words,

but how would someone being made out with by a deer

who just killed them twice

not know the deer was having a great time?


Anyways, the dream ended

in the midst of the finger stuff.


Again, it was fun.


(probably not thanks,)

and/or thanks for listening about it.

And thanks for being someone this would make any sense to.




I like the smell of when you get into a hot car.

When I put on a nice white shirt, I imagine what it would look like soaked in blood and being cut off of my wounded body.

I have a great friend who lets me be a defenseless drunk gremlin around him night after night.

Waking up, one way I double check what was a dream is by considering whether the layout of any buildings I was in is wildly different to how it should be in real life.

Sometimes I feel like a giant, like, just that humans are all giants, compared to the pencil on my desk or the blades of grass in people’s yards I walk by or a squirrel.

On this day I am in existence.

I love loving animals.

I want to find something reflective to quickly check that my hair isn’t messed up.

When I get home, what am I going to work on to put animal love positivity into the world?


Most within To Thine Own Self Be Zoo written by Eggshell Ghosthearth.

This website contains works of literature, including narrative fiction, creative nonfiction, and poetry. Within this literature, any resemblances to any existing copyrighted materials, trademarks, or persons is completely coincidental, or is used for artistic purposes within the bounds of Public Domain, Fair Use, or Public Figure Status. Much of the literature on this site contains themes of sexuality, though is at no point intended to be pornographic. To Thine Own Self Be Zoo is a personal project and is not a for-profit endeavor.